Preface: A Note from the Author on Sources. Also, Several Half-Hearted, Pre-Emptive Apologies. Essentially, a Meditation on the Futility of Issuing Disclaimers about Satire Part 1: Tenure, or the Lack Thereof 1. The Odyssey; Or, the Professor's Quest to Find a Job Near His Hometown 2. Rumpelstiltskin, Chair of the Promotion and Tenure Board 3. A Powerful Genie Attempts to Secure Aladdin a Tenure-Track Position 4. The Associate Professor of the Practice Who Flew Too Close to the Sun 5. Sleeping Beauty Is Nearly Denied Tenure 6.
Cinderadjunct Part 2: Research 7. Narcissus and Echo Attend a Conference 8. Lily "Red" Ridenhood Meets Her Dissertation Supervisor 9. The Tortoise and the Hare Execute Their Research Agendas 10. Goldilocks and the Three Reviewers 11. Huck Finn Fakes His Own Death to Avoid Writing One More Grant Proposal 12. The Researcher Who Cried "WOLF!" (Well, Only a Little Fraud) 13. Peter Piper Planned a Peck of Perfect Projects Part 3: Teaching 14.
The Art Building Is Falling Down Hansel and Gretel Defeat the Evil Witch (Their Professor) 15. Jack and Beanstalk, the University's New Learning Management System 16. Hester Prynne Demands Her Scarlet "A" Be Changed to an "A " 17. The Princess, the Pea, and the Difficulties of Remaining Sensitive 18. Professor Rip Van Winkle Awakens to Find the Culture Has Changed 19. A Finals Week Christmas Carol Part 4: Service, Advising, and "Other Duties as Assigned" 20. The Big Bad Dean and the Three Little Profs 21. Jo White and the Seven First-Year Advisees 22.
The College Resolves Pinocchio's Mental Health Concerns 23. The Search Committee Attempts to Find Little Bo Peep's Lost Sheep 24. Shirley Holmes, Faculty Meeting Parliamentarian 25. Professor Prometheus Chairs the Assessment, Research, and Outcomes Committee 26. Professor Sisyphus Part 5: More Stars of Myth and Fairy Tale Join the Staff 27. The Pied Piper, College Admissions Recruiter 28. A Message from Bacchus, the New Director of the Study Abroad Office 29. Chicken Little's Administrative Assistant Determines Whether the Sky Is Falling 30.
Residence Life Busts Robin Hood for Selling Drugs in Nottingham Hall 31. A Letter of Resignation from King Midas, Director of the Career Office 32. Cassandra's Prophecies about the College's Financial Situation Part 6: What Happens, in the End, to Typical University 33. The Board of Trustees' New DEI Initiatives Book Club Discussion Questions.