Me & Lay Li ain''t talking cause she think she cute cause she think I ain''t. Must be pretty boy Curtis all in her head all in her mouth making her forget her home training. Making her forget her daddy got a gun for a living. & her mama gone. & this is why I think she ain''t got no sense, nohow. Cause ain''t nobody but fast girls checking for Curtis. & he keep her name close & she don''t come home the same way no more. She must think she cute! Must think I ain''t! Like she ZendayaSkaiStormMeganNickiBeyoncé or something Like she long curly hair movie star perfect Like she perfect pink nail salon pop queen perfect Like she all new Macy''s rack & Adidas shell toe perfect Like she glossy magazine cover most beautiful girl perfect Like she ain''t never had a bad day in the sun perfect Like she ain''t never had a bad picture kind of perfect Like she got a life don''t nobody judge cause she''s so perfect I mean, look how she keep me waiting like I''m supposed to wait on Curtis or something & I hate his light-skinned self! Especially because he ain''t as funny as he think.

Especially when he calls me black & ugly & stupid! & Lay Li stay grinning like he the sun like we ain''t friends they boyfriends see Lay Li It''s like they see the best parts of they favorite movie & they favorite movie got they favorite soundtrack & they favorite soundtrack make them feel strong & they swing they arms around & show off to whoever is looking I mean, sometimes I get caught looking but I ain''t got n o t h i n g to say Not Lay Li She act like she never lookin'' She must think she cute But she ain''t just cute Lay Li pretty & they boyfriends at the skate rink forget they home training around her. So when Curtis say the things I''ve already said about myself & she laugh I know deep down inside she ain''t never care about me at all. Lay Li the sun & she called me best friend Called me smart Called me her ace Called me her right-hand sis Lay Li called me my name Ain''t never call me nothing but my name When everyone else call me nothing She say best friend--like sis-patna-friend & she laugh bright bright Because Lay Li the sun now I know she just said them lies to keep my shadow all up & around her sunshine smile Like that time we skipped school for the pool party & all the girls wear bikinis but I got my one-piece on with a white T-shirt on top. & the boys just looking like they mama ain''t taught them nothing worth knowing. Lay Li got that good hair so she don''t care if it''s wet & loose. But my hair ain''t close to being good so I keep it in a real real real tight ponytail until the sun get so hot I jump in & cool my sadness down. It''s like I already know. So I let my shoulders sink low like my heart be & I watch Lay Li how she walks & everybody stops & I''m trying to learn how to walk in a room & turn their heads how to move in a crowd & be the light how to keep a boy''s interest but not just any boy a boy who remembers my name maybe a cute one with long eyelashes & gentle hands the kind of hands that keep to themselves how to keep my sister, Essa, from talking bad to me my older sister tell you "don''t mess up my name," she go so far to move her mouth & show her perfect white teeth it''s "EEEEEE-SaaHHHH like mantra, like a prayer" how to move through the world standing tall & demanding to be named properly how to be more than a baller how to be someone that keep ''em guessing how to stop stressing because ain''t nobody got time for the kind of shade I got but everybody got time for some s u n Lay Li smile at Curtis & he only a little bit cute but he ain''t funny or smart so that''s how I know her grin is a lie.

& I pretend I don''t hear his slur I pretend I don''t see his hazel eyes when he say "lose her ugly black ass" & Lay Li laugh. Laugh like a knife in the back or laugh hysterical like the girl running from the scary man in a hockey mask or laugh like kids being followed around the mall by security or laugh like I do when my sister, Essa, makes me the butt of the joke. See I laugh & laugh & laugh & laugh she say "Shut up, Curtis" but it sounds like "Come here." I dunk my head underwater slow & wait just wait I wait even longer for her to say a n y t h i n g like: "don''t talk about my friend, I don''t care how pretty your eyes is!" But she just say "shut up" & she l a u g h the kind of laugh that make me forget we even friends the kind of laugh that make me forget we even & I think I could stay here where it''s all a blurry aqua blue, I think I could stay here where my eyes don''t hurt as much & it don''t feel like I''ve been looking at the sun all day l o n g. Okay, so boom. This is how Lay Li & I met. At the end of summer, when we ready to head into the first semester of freshman year, I got a problem with the boys who keep slapping the water. Tyrone & Adam slap the water at me when I swim by them.

Because everybody knows I''m better than them on the basketball court. Still, I keep calm. I play cool. I see a girl at the edge of the pool. Red swimsuit & long wavy ponytail. Her right eyebrow lifted skylike: She ready for the joke. But she ain''t laughing. The boys slap the water.

I swim under the current. I head to her side of the pool. & so do they. They slap the water but her mouth ain''t like mine. It ain''t closed lock-like & tight, until I''m on the court with a nasty dribble. It ain''t safety pin safe like my grandmother taught me. Her mouth curse them until their eyes water. Her lips curl & she cross both her arms "& you betta not do it again!" They laugh & she don''t.

This girl I never seen before got a name: Lay Li. I wipe my eyes, stinging from the blue water. "Thank you," I say, pretending it don''t burn. Two years later & Lay Li bathing suit Is way better than mine I hate my royal blue one-piece It''s a hand-me-down It''s ugly I rather wear my basketball shorts but they''re the only pair I got keep dry when I walk home Everybody who know somebody will skip class for the pool party & everybody will have a cute bathing suit on: Strawberry red or bright yellow or periwinkle blue or one of those two-pieces with candy cane stripes But not me I put a T-shirt on top & try to hide this ugly-ass basic blue swimsuit Mines is long in the crotch so long the water drains slowly down my leg after I climb out the deep end. I put a T-shirt on top & try to hide the history of where my people from the ones that got a pit bull with a chain around its neck & smoke clouds everywhere I put a T-shirt on top & try to hide where I come from the kind of folks that park on the lawn & clean they car with the Gap Band blasting out the door speakers I put a T-shirt on top & hope no one asks where my dad works. Where my dad is? Why my sister, Essa, & I always fight on the lawn? I just want to swim in the teal green sorta blue bubble & forget all the things that make me different for a little while. Basketball Drills #1 both hands grip the orange world ridges in black talk back to my fingertips James Bird Bryant Catchings Jordan Leslie Curry Hammon Jackson Iverson&nbs.