If I Can't Have You, is a non-fiction, writing detailing a personal journey of growing up in an abusive household with an alcoholic, bipolar father and a manic depressive mother. It chronicles the family history of suicide. A detailed account of a son watching his father shoot his mother and then commit suicide.The second part of the book deals with the life obstacles faced because of parent's death and the lack of counseling provided during this tragic period. The perfect storm of events which occurred: parent's death, struggle with sexuality, and battles with mental illness. This happening while living in the home of a Southern Baptist minister and trying to reconcile identity with what was being taught at church. The final part of the book is meant to provide education and information about domestic violence, mental illness, and the need for action. Warning signs and symptoms are given, and information is given so victims can break the cycle of violence.