Prologue Self-Esteem Is the Answer I am a very happy middle-aged doctor with graying hair. I have my health, my beloved wife and children respect me, my parents trust me, and my brother supports me. On the whole, I have a very good life. But growing up, I never thought I would turn out so well. I was a frail child. I was sickly and sensitive. I often missed school because of chronic tonsillitis and burst into tears over nothing. I wasn''t as outgoing and active as other boys, nor was I clever.
I was of average intelligence, and I did not excel at working with my hands, either. I had no confidence or patience. Grown-ups often worried about me. I was unsure of myself in everything I did. I was a good and obliging kid who always put others first. Looking back, that was my biggest problem. I did not put others first for their sake, but let others take the lead for fear of screwing up. I couldn''t trust myself.
Years later, I am not who I thought I''d be. I am very satisfied with my life. I trust my judgment, I love myself, and I am grateful to everyone who helped me become the person I am today. Some people think that I am happy with my life because of my status as a psychiatrist, that having a respected job boosted my confidence. They''re not entirely wrong. I learned a great deal in my training from good teachers and colleagues. Thanks to them, I was able to grow, and I will always be proud that I am a psychiatrist. However, I am also aware that there are many unhappy doctors.
Psychiatrists have a higher suicide rate compared to other professions. So, if someone were to say that I am happy because I have a job that others envy, I would disagree. A few years ago, I quit my position at a hospital and opened my own practice. One personal goal I set for myself in this period of transition was answering the question "What are the reasons why I am so satisfied with my life?" This was not an easy task. I took the time to write down my thoughts on the meaning of happiness, what makes people happy, and what conditions need to be satisfied. I wanted a record of what I discovered in the process, how it transformed me, and how I could maintain this state of satisfaction. As the puzzle pieces came together, one concept that kept coming up was self-esteem , the dictionary definition of which is "how one perceives oneself," or "indicator of self-love and satisfaction with one''s life." I came to focus on this term.
After much reflection, I learned that my road to happiness coincided with my process of building healthy selfesteem. My self-esteem, it turned out, was at its lowest during the most miserable periods in my life. I was a man of very low self-esteem. I had to repeat a year in medical school, and that wasn''t the first time I had failed at something. I did not get into the STEM high school of my choice, nor did I get into the medical program on the first try. Failing my courses in medical school was the biggest blow of them all. I began to question my life goal itself. I drank every day and became addicted to cigarettes and online gaming.
The thought of retaking the courses with the first years was demoralizing, and I avoided friends and family out of embarrassment. My med school friends went to school in the morning, and I went to the PC game room. I stayed up all night playing games on the computer and snuck back into the house in the middle of the night. I spent all night in the billiard parlor or went bar-crawling with friends and crept back into the house at dawn. My self-esteem hit rock bottom on many other occasions besides this, notably during periods when I was lost and in despair. It wouldn''t be an exaggeration to say that my life has been a process of rebuilding my flattened selfesteem many times over. Suffering from a deep sense of inferiority and fear that I was falling behind, I was often overcome with the urge to give up and let addiction rob me of all hope for a future. Looking back, I think the struggle I went through was necessary for restoring my self-esteem, and I can feel true happiness now thanks to my healthy self-esteem.
A healthy self-esteem is what led to happiness, and happiness continues to feed my self-esteem. Becoming happy, it turned out, was synonymous with recovering self-esteem. Perhaps this is why the road to building a healthy self-esteem, though difficult and tortuous, was bearable. Self-esteem turned out to be an important factor in counseling as well. Most of the unhappy clients who came to me for help needed a self-esteem boost. Some had cheating spouses or were going through breakups; others suffered from depression, addiction, suicidal ideation, and so on. Each needed to work on their self-esteem, and I helped them as their doctor and their self-esteem trainer. In my training as a psychiatrist, I gained a great deal of knowledge and skills, which I applied to my own life.
As a result, I developed a healthier mind and became more empathetic toward others. Based on my own experiences, I learned what not to say to people who are suffering from low self-esteem, how people behave when self-esteem is low, and how to help them. The times I''ve spent struggling through and overcoming feelings of worthlessness have turned out to be an important asset in my work. I hoped to share the insights I gained in my practice as a doctor and in my personal recovery. But it wasn''t easy to communicate my story and the knowledge I gained through personal experience. Stories from my childhood and my private thoughts, which even my wife does not know about, were hard to divulge. I wrote, deleted, then rewrote the accounts many times. I also had qualms about sharing all my valuable "tricks of the trade.
" There were some things I did not want other psychiatrists to know. But I decided to write this book anyway for several reasons. First, I wanted to write this book for myself. I know that my self-esteem is going to weaken again someday. Keeping one''s self-esteem healthy is like swimming. Gravity continues to pull us down. I suspect that there will be times in my future when my self-esteem sinks to the bottom, when I make big mistakes or become burned out. I wanted to prepare myself a manual of how to get through those moments when they come.
Second, I decided to write this book for my friends and family. Most of us will experience a crisis of self-esteem at some point in our lives. There were many things I wanted to say to my daughters when they were growing up, but I didn''t get around to it either because I didn''t have the mountain of information sorted out in my head and I was too busy, or because they were too young to understand. Then I got into a traffic accident last year. It occurred to me that my life could end at any moment and that I could die not having imparted any of my hard-earned wisdom to my children. In a way, this book is a self-esteem guide for my daughters. I think they would much prefer consulting a book to listening to their father give them advice, which probably just sounds like nagging. Third, I hoped to put into words what I have learned from my career as a psychiatrist.
I am ashamed to say that there was a time when I was deeply furious over people plagiarizing the precious information I shared in my writings. As I was starting to enjoy some small fame through my writings, I wondered if it wouldn''t be better to keep my hard-earned knowledge to myself. But I soon came to see that knowledge belongs to no one and that I had entertained a very arrogant, dangerous thought in my selfish need for recognition. I now firmly believe that precious information gains greater meaning and potency when shared far and wide. This book is divided into seven main chapters: * Part 1 outlines the definition of self-esteem and explains why it is important in our lives. As widely circulated as the word is, self-esteem is a term that is frequently misunderstood and misused. * Parts 2 and 3 deal with interpersonal relationship problems that arise as a result of low self-esteem. * Parts 4 and 5 are on emotions associated with self-esteem.
* Parts 6 and 7 offer practical approaches to increasing one''s self-esteem. At the end of each chapter, you will find a section entitled "Today''s Exercise for Healthy Self-Esteem." Readers will be pleasantly surprised to find that self-esteem can be improved simply by doing the exercises. It will be a useful tool for readers seeking daily regimens for self-esteem improvement. This book is for anyone who wishes to reflect on their lives, apply the principles of self-esteem to personal challenges, and recover a healthy self-esteem. Yoon Hong Gyun.