Prologue ix Chapter 1: What Do I Want to Be When They Grow Up? 1 Chapter 2: Guilt 11 Chapter 3: You Can't Do It All, So Quit Trying 17 Chapter 4: When Mothers Are Ghosts 25 Chapter 5: How Much Are SAHMs Actually Worth? 29 Chapter 6: The Default Parenting Ferris Wheel 35 Chapter 7: That Day I Hiked 14 Miles and Braced for a Hip Replacement (But Also Realized Something about Me as a Mom) 41 Chapter 8: "Hi, I'm Sweating!" (WTF Is Happening to My Body?) 49 Chapter 9: On Aging and Beauty Culture (So, I Guess I Have a Turkey Neck Now.? Whatever) 57 Chapter 10: On Friendships 63 Chapter 11: The Comparison Trap 69 Chapter 12: The Water Challenge (and How We Need to Reframe "Success") 77 Chapter 13: Get Thee to a Therapist! 81 Chapter 14: Of Course We're Pissed Off 89 Chapter 15: Anxiety, Perfectionism, + a Crippling Fear of Failure = a Toxic Cocktail that Does Not Mix with Motherhood 95 Chapter 16: Learning to Get Out of My Own Way 103 Chapter 17: Nobody Talks About the Loneliness 109 Chapter 18: How Resentment and the "Who Has It Harder" Game Nearly Killed My Marriage, and the Daily Phone Call That Probably Saved It 119 Chapter 19: Lessons for My Kids (and for Myself) as We All Grow Up 127 Chapter 20: The Death of Martyrdom 135 Chapter 21: "Everything Is Fine," "I Don't Care What Other People Think," and Other Lies We Tell 141 Chapter 22: How I "Lost Myself" but Found the Pieces and Put Myself Back Together 151 Chapter 23: How Did I Get Here? (The Story of Our Gladiator Turtles, Medically Fragile Dog, and One Dead Plant) 159 Chapter 24: The Many Forms of Motherhood Grief 165 Chapter 25: Always Awkward, Never Cool 171 Chapter 26: Halfway There (and Livin' on a Prayer) 177 Chapter 27: Make Me a Promise 185 Chapter 28: I'm a Total Fraud (by the Way) 193 Chapter 29: We Can Do Hard Things (and Let Me Tell You How I Know) 197 Chapter 30: So, What AM I Going to Be When They Grow Up? 203 Epilogue 207 Acknowledgments 209 About the Author 211.