Note to the Reader ix Acknowledgments xi Introduction: Rethinking Potential 1 1 Tempering Perfectionism: What Is "Good Enough"? 10 Michael: Focusing on flaws 13 Kirsten: Deflecting blame 20 Sam: Avoiding activities at which he doesn't excel 30 Angela: Feeling inadequate 33 2 Building Connection: How Does Your Child Reach Out to Others? 43 Andrew: Seeking an audience rather than a friend 48 Clay: Avoiding joining the group 55 Amalia: Feeling rejected by peers 63 3 Managing Sensitivity: How Does Your Child Handle Criticism, Conflict, and Disappointment? 80 Mario: Perceiving betrayal 83 Jessica: Balking at constructive feedback 90 Samir: Chafing at a change of plans 97 Collin: Shouldering the world's woes 109 4 Handling Cooperation and Competition: How Does Your Child Fit in a Group? 118 Steven: Insisting on his way 121 Anita: Being a sore loser 130 Misha: Fearing competition 138 Craig: Dealing with competition in the family 146 5 Dealing with Authority: How Does Your Child Respond to Those in Charge? 161 Lisa: Being blind to authority 164 Nicholas: Making everything an argument 177 Stephanie: Fretting about adults' anger 192 6 Developing Motivation: What Matters to Your Child? 200 Ethan: Avoiding schoolwork 203 Jared: Complaining that schoolwork is boring 208 Diane: Not applying herself in school 221 7 Finding Joy: What Makes Your Child Feel Happy? 238 Monica: Finding fault instead of fun 242 Conner: Searching for personal meaning 251 Conclusion: The Pressure to Perform Versus the Power to Grow 272 Selected References and Recommended Reading 277 About the Authors 291 Index 293.