SAMPLE TEXT Chapter 1: Stepping Out Looking sharp is a big part of living like a gentleman but it''s not rule number one. The first thing you need to know is how to act like a man. Without a good handshake, solid posture and eloquent conversation skills you can wear the sharpest suit money can buy but you''ll be wearing it alone. Knowing how to handle your social responsibilities with aplomb, on the other hand, will get you as far as you want to go. The first impressionEvery dating service, career coach and image consultant on the planet agrees: how you first establish yourself with others is the key to any relationship. In fact, most say that presenting a good first impression is the single most important thing you can do. Conversely, bad first impressions will doom a job interview or blind date before it even gets started. Some say people can make conclusive judgements about a person within seconds of first meeting them.
However long it takes for someone to check you out for the first time, just don''t give them any easy targets. For starters, know how to introduce yourself. The handshakeGetting a grip on how you present yourself to others starts with giving a good grip. In fact, a good firm handshake may be the most important impression you leave with someone. It''s appropriate to shake both men and women''s hands upon first encounters, especially business encounters. Absent Father - How to Give a Good Grip1. Be close enough to the person whose hand you want to shake so that you can stand up straight and comfortably extend your hand without having to lean over. 2.
Extend your entire hand out to the person and look them in the eye. 3. While continuing to look them in the eye, squeeze their hand, palm to palm with a firm grasp. 4. If you feel comfortable doing it, shake the hand up and down at least once but not more than three times and then let go. It''s perfectly acceptable to give a firm grip for a couple of seconds and let go without any pumping action. 5. While you''re shaking and making eye contact, be sure and smile and give a good positive greeting What Not to Do1.
Don''t squeeze someone''s hand so hard that you crush it. Rather than coming off as strong and determined, it leaves the impression of a lack of confidence. 2. Another no-no is grabbing someone''s hand and pulling it towards you. It''s controlling and overbearing and might alienate your new acquaintance. 3. Enveloping a handshake by putting your free hand on top of the other person''s hand during a handshake is good if you''re seeing an old friend but not okay when meeting someone for the first time. It''s too personal and some men will be put off by it.
2. There are a few styles of shakes that will doom you from the get go. One is the limp shake by which you just hold out your hand but don''t squeeze. If you''re on the giving end, this feels similar to firmly grabbing a flabby, lifeless tenderloin steak. It''s unpleasant, to say the least.3. Don''t hold out your hand lazily. Chances are you''ll get your fingers crushed.
Not only does this hurt, it''s wimpy. 4. The most infamous bad shake is the dead fish or the clammy hand. This is a combination of the limp shake and the sweaty palm. If your hand is wet - either from nervousness or from holding a cold drink - dry it before greeting. The greetingHow to say hello to new acquaintances and colleagues will often depend on the circumstance. Going on a job interview or business trip is going to be different than greeting someone who has come over for dinner at your house. For the former you might want to say something like "Hello, my name is Sam Martin.
I''m with ABC company." In more casual environments, no one''s going to be interested in your job - at least not right away. For any occasion, nothing beats a genuine smile and solid eye contact. If you''re stressed or angry and you let that show through on your face, others will pick up on it and feel as though they''re not welcome. For that matter, letting your eyes wander around the room or look over a person''s shoulder might give the impression that you''re waiting for someone more interesting to arrive. A gentleman will want his new acquaintances to think he is pleased to meet them and genuinely happy to have them around. A simple greeting is best. Stand up when you meet someone new, give them a good smile, a firm handshake and say who you are immediately.
If you walk into a room, don''t stand around waiting. Approach the others and make your introduction. What to say when.After you say "hello" or "hi" and give your first and last name, here are a few scenarios and suggestions of what you can say. In almost any situation: "Pleasure to meet you" or "Nice to meet you." At a job interview: "Thanks for your time." or "I''ve been looking forward to our meeting."New friends coming over for dinner: "Glad you could make it.
" or "Welcome."On a blind date: "Thanks for meeting me." or "You look great." The Hello KissNot everyone gets a hello kiss and those that do usually aren''t expecting a smacker on the lips. A cheek to cheek kiss in the air or a small peck on the jaw is the appropriate approach to this most European of greetings that''s usually reserved for more familiar friends. That said, if you''re in Europe - Paris especially - don''t wince or pull away when greeted by a total stranger with a cheek kiss. When in Rome do as the Romans do. The same can be said closer to home.
If a lady friend or acquaintance makes the move for a hello kiss, give her your best one. This isn''t a sensual event. It''s a gentlemanly skill that will give you an added air of confidence and sophistication. Walking and postureThe language of the body is as important as what you say. Many a snap judgement has been made after seeing a guy slouch in his chair at dinner or shuffle his feet through the office door. A gentleman should always keep his back straight, his shoulders back and his chin up. Those engaging in the occasional sparring match should do just the opposite. Walking too will reveal a sense of self worth and importance.
If you want to make an impression when entering a room, keep you eyes up and move with purpose towards your destination. Meeting people Men who walk into a room with purpose and greet others with bright eyes and a firm handshake won''t have a problem meeting people. Unless they stop there. Those with energetic greetings need to have polished conversation skills to walk the talk. Small Talk Small talk is oft criticized for being trite and insincere but one has to start somewhere. Launching immediately into an exposition of The Pelopensian War will more likely dim another''s interest rather than pique it. Wait for cocktails on that one. At first, engage in a little get to know you exchange.
Ask questions like "how do you know the host?", "do you have plans for the holidays?", "how was your vacation?" and "did you grow up around here?" Usually, the answers you get and give will lead to more. Listen carefully so you can pick up on these entrees into more in depth conversation. If nothing strikes you, the best way to ensure an ongoing, vibrant conversation is to keep asking questions. Just avoid dead end queries that can be answered in "yes" or "no." People love talking about themselves. A gentleman should never spend too much time talking about himself. What Not to Ask or Conversation Killers"How''s your ex?""Do you have plans for Christmas?" (Not everyone celebrates Christmas.)"Do you dye your hair?""When''s your due date?" (What if they''re not pregnant?)"I found a hair in my soup.
" "I hate coming to these things, don''t you?" Introducing people to othersOften gentlemen will travel in numbers. If you''re in the know and the rest of your posse is in the dark, it''s up to you to bring them into the fold. At parties you''ll want to introduce friends to the host and other important people. At business gatherings, seek out the decision makers. When presenting a friend, first say the name of the person you''re meeting followed by your introduction. The exchange might go something like this: "Ed, I''d like you to meet a friend/business associate/(fill in the blank) of mine, John Smith." If you know the two share a common interest or goal it''s completely appropriate and encouraged to make that connection for them. "John just got back from a cycling trip in the Pyranees," you might say.
"Ed does a lot of cycling himself." You know you''ve done a good job if you find yourself excluded from the conversation, leaving you free to peel off and meet knew people of your own. Diction and eloquenceSmall talk and social conversation skills are one thing but a well polished gentleman should also know how to take it to the next level Going mano a mano with the most accomplished speakers requires a facility with language that includes a good vocabulary and does not include "um," "like," or "whatever." To command respect in the board room or in front of a packed house is the hallmark of a man who is going places. Speaking ClearlyNothing eloquent will spring from a man''s mouth unless he can speak clearly and loud enough for others to hear. One doesn''t need a background in theatre to get to this level but the notion of projecting the voice like an actor can be helpful. Don''t mumble. Keep your hand away from your mouth when you speak.
If you''re in front of a large audience, speak to the person in the back row to ensure your voice is loud enough. VocabularyWhen you''re speaking clearly, choose your words carefully and use a sophisticated vocabulary to reveal the finer points of what you say. Anyone who can articulate an idea with a good vocabulary commands respect by showing a deeper understanding of the subject and efficiency with the language. It allows them to get their message across more effectively. Plus, if you''re listening to others talk you don''t want to get caught flat footed with a word you don''t know. For those starting out with a limited supply of wo.