Rabbie Burns is indisputably (well were certainly not disputing it) Scotlands favourite poet. Indeed hes ranked amongst the worlds greatest poets of all time. Born in Alloway on the 25th of January 1759 to poor farming parents he wrote prolifically from the age of 15 until he died aged just 37. In his short life he produced many works of pure genius: [3]Auld Lang Syne, [3]Tam O' Shanter and [3]A Red, Red Rose to name but a few.However, the poems in NO RABBIE BURNS were, if you havent already guessed it from the title, not written by Rabbie Burns. They are the poems that he might have written if he were alive today, ranging from [3]Picts Rule, to [3]Owed to a Bank Manager, [3]Tae a Wee Fat Bastard, [3]Phone Moan and [3]The Big Issue Seller.To a Vegetarian HaggisOh goen hide yer sleekit face,Great charlatan o the pudding-race!Ahin them a' ye tak your place,Onion, lentil, and baked beans:Weel are ye wordy o great disgrace,As langs my arm.Ye Pow'rs, wha mak mankind despair,And dish them out their bill o' fare,All Scotland hates yer stinking ware,That smells like lavvies;But, if ye wish her gratefu' prayer,Cowp yon veggie haggis!Ode Tae a Bumble BeeWee hoverin, fleein ferlie fello,Wi yer stripes o black and yello,Yer ever sae bonnie, so ye ur,Like a spring lamb ­ only smallerand withoot the fur, But see if ye ever sting me oan the bum again, Ahm gonnae jump on yer heid so Ah um.