CHAPTER 1 Cheater Beginnings Oven-Smoked Almonds Cortez Salsa Deviled Egg Spread with Smoked Paprika Smoky Pecan Cheese Ball Smoked Paprika Pimiento Cheese Cheater Foie Gras Hot Pe-o Noir Spinach Cheese Dip Any Smoked Fish Party Spread Cheesy Alligator Snouts Roasted Eggplant White Bean Spread Hot-Oven Garlic Heads Hot-Oven Drums Rooster Riblets Quick Sticks Broiled Kielbasa and Pineapple Picks Cheata Rita Pitcher Sparkling Sangria Hazy Mary Sparkling Shandy Red Zingria Cheater Hot Cider Eye-Patch Punch Oven-Smoked Almonds Makes 2 cups 2 cups raw almonds 1 tablespoon peanut or olive oil 1 tablespoon bottled smoke 1 teaspoon fine-grained seasoned salt (we use Lawry''s) Pinch of cayenne pepper Like popcorn, nuts taste best sprinkled with extra-fine-grained salt that sticks to the snack. That''s why the cheater thing to use here is Lawry''s seasoned salt, a ready-to-go finely ground blend of salt, seasonings, and sugar that becomes one with the nut. If you use coarse kosher salt, you''ll find the flakes sitting in the bottom of the bowl. You can smoke all kinds of nuts-peanuts, pecans, whatever you like-but the nuts must be raw. Stay close to the oven during the final ten minutes of roasting. The toasty fragrance will let you know when they are ready. HEAT the oven to 300F. COMBINE all the ingredients in a 9 x 13-inch baking pan or on a rimmed baking sheet.

Toss until the nuts are well coated with the oil and seasonings. Spread the nuts in a single layer. BAKE for 25 to 30 minutes, until the nuts are fragrant and toasted. COOL the nuts and store them in a tightly covered container. Cortez Salsa Makes about 3 cups 15 fresh jalape-o peppers, stems removed, cut in half (we leave the seeds in) 1 medium onion, quartered One 141/2-ounce can diced tomatoes 1 garlic clove Juice of 1 lime Kosher salt to taste Saltine crackers or tortilla chips For more than fifty years, Min''s two family branches, the Merrells and the Almys, have been eating at the Cortez Cafe in Carlsbad, New Mexico. The food is straightforward Tex-Mex and always finishes with a round of sopapillas and honey. Back in the ''70s, the family thought nothing odd about beginning meals with bowls of fiery green salsa scooped up with saltine crackers. The Cortez has since switched to tortilla chips and you may prefer them as well, but the Merrell-Almy clan retains its hot spot for salsa and crackers.

Pining away in Nashville for that distinct Cortez flavor, Min thinks she''s figured it out-it''s mostly fresh jalape-os. Min''s cousin Eric, knighted Sir Cortez by the clan, now brings his version of Min''s Cortez Salsa recipe to every family dinner-with sleeves of only the freshest saltines, of course. PLACE all the ingredients except the crackers in the bowl of a food processor. PULSE until the texture is an even, slightly chunky puree. Serve with saltines or chips. Roasted Jalape-o Salsa This variation on Cortez Salsa enjoys the added smoky flavor of charred jalape-os and fresh cilantro. HEAT the broiler. Place the jalape-o peppers on a baking sheet and broil about 4 inches from the heat source until well blistered with patches of charred skin, turning occasionally, about 10 minutes.

Proceed with the recipe above, adding a handful of fresh cilantro (large stems removed) to the ingredients. Deviled Egg Spread with Smoked Paprika Makes 11/2 cups 6 hard-cooked eggs, finely chopped 1/4 cup mayonnaise 1 tablespoon Dijon mustard 1 teaspoon smoked paprika, plus more for garnish Hot pepper sauce Kosher salt and black pepper Sliced green onions or chives Crackers, party rye, toasted bagels, or bagel chips Deviled eggs can create a fair amount of anxiety. It''s the peeling that''s the problem. Experts say older eggs with more of an air pocket peel more easily, some say leave the cooked eggs in the fridge a couple of days before peeling, some say add a little vinegar to the boiling water. All we know is that when it counts, they don''t peel. Deviled Egg Spread with Smoked Paprika is the happy outcome after a fit of frustration with a bowl of broken hard-cooked eggs. Hey, you''re thinking, that''s just egg salad. So what! The smoked paprika adds the devil and makes a perfectly lovely spread for party rye or crackers.

COMBINE the eggs, mayonnaise, mustard, paprika, and hot pepper sauce, salt, and pepper to taste in a medium bowl. Blend well. SPRINKLE with additional smoked paprika and green onions. Serve with crackers, party rye, toasted bagels, or bagel chips. Smoky Pecan Cheese Ball Makes about 2 cups 8 ounces sharp Cheddar cheese, shredded (2 cups) 1/2 cup pecans, toasted 1/3 to 1/2 cup mayonnaise 1 teaspoon bottled smoke 1 heaping teaspoon Dijon mustard Dash of Worcestershire sauce Dash of hot pepper sauce Black pepper Smoked paprika Any appetizer spread, even this one of conventional cheese ball ingredients smashed into a spread, becomes much more glamorous when paired with all things pale green-celery sticks, thin green apple wedges, or Belgian endive. Don''t underestimate the allure of a generous pile of green grapes, either. COMBINE the cheese, pecans, mayonnaise, bottled smoke, and mustard in a medium bowl. Blend well with a fork, adding more mayonnaise if you want a softer, more moist consistency.

ADD the Worcestershire sauce, hot pepper sauce, and pepper to taste and mix well. Sprinkle with paprika. Pile the cheese into a crock and serve with crackers or vegetables and fruit (see headnote). Smoked Paprika Pimiento Cheese Makes about 3 cups 8 ounces sharp white Cheddar cheese, shredded (2 cups) 8 ounces cream cheese, softened 1/4 cup mayonnaise 1/4 to 1/3 cup chopped roasted red peppers 1 teaspoon smoked paprika 1 teaspoon fresh lemon juice Before he discovered cheater BBQ, the only indoor kitchen appliance R. B. had a serious relationship with was the toaster oven. He fancies himself the master of all things topped with melted cheese. Predictably, leftovers of this smoky cheese spread went right into the toaster oven on slices of thick rustic bread.

Smoky Pimiento Cheese Bruschetta! Min took it to the next level with sliced fresh tomato, a few green onion bits, and a basil leaf for a "New South" Italian appetizer. Of course, the pimiento cheese is fantastic on a big juicy Cheater Kitchen Burger (page 119). We also serve our pimiento cheese along with Cheater Foie Gras (page 21), each spread on tart Granny Smith apple slices. COMBINE all the ingredients in a medium bowl using a wooden spoon or a fork. Scoop into a serving bowl or use for open-faced melted cheese sandwiches. PIMIENTO CHEESE There are a million ways to make this classic Southern sandwich spread. Really good pimiento (pronounced pa-MIN-ah) cheese requires a good mayonnaise, some hand-grated Cheddar, and a small jar of pimientos. Just like tuna salad (and barbecue sauce), its re-created countless times when people add their own twist: Worcestershire and hot pepper sauces, dry or wet mustard, grated onion, a bit of sugar, sharp cheese, mild cheese, Velveeta, cream cheese, and chopped pimiento-stuffed olives.

In this recipe, Min likes how the cream cheese disperses the smoked paprika throughout the spread. Roasted red peppers, a trendy new ingredient in pimiento cheese, also contribute to the earthy flavor. Cheater Foie Gras Makes 2 cups 8 ounces braunschweiger, softened 8 ounces cream cheese, softened 1 tablespoon coarse-grained mustard 1 tablespoon bottled smoke Dash of hot pepper sauce For serving Melba toast or crackers of your choice Green apple slices, dates, or figs Hot pepper jelly, fig or cherry preserves, orange marmalade, and/or smoked paprika for garnish Recipes, like everything else fashionable, rise and fall with popular perception. They''re in, they''re out, they''re hot, they''re hopelessly last season. Liver has never caught the wave of coolness, unless it''s taken from a force-fed goose. Even liver as haute couture as foie gras is on the OUT list, branded as inhumane and even outlawed in some places. Slumming with ready-to-wear liverwurst, on the other hand, is looking pretty fresh. Why shouldn''t it? Liverwurst has plenty in common with foie gras, especially its color and buttery smoothness when it''s blended with cream cheese.

Instead of slapping it on rye bread with mustard, serve it with the sweet flavors that commonly adorn foie gras, and your perception will instantly change. This is absolutely one of R. B.''s favorite cheater recipes. COMBINE the braunschweiger, cream cheese, mustard, bottled smoke, and hot pepper sauce in a medium bowl and blend together with a fork until creamy. PILE the mixture in a crock or bowl. Cover and chill until serving time. SERVE as a spread with toasts, fruit, and your choice of garnishes.

Hot Pe-o Noir Spinach Cheese Dip Makes 8 servings 4 fresh jalape-o peppers Vegetable oil One 10-ounce box frozen chopped spinach, thawed and squeezed dry 8 ounces smoked Cheddar cheese, shredded (2 cups) 8 ounces cream cheese, softened 1/4 cup mayonnaise 1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce 1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice Kosher salt Crackers and/or tortilla chips Hummus may come and go, but warm spinach cheese dip, with it.