Jokes are just part of the game when it comes to golf--duffers, mulligans, holes-in-one or out of bounds. Or they're about the relationships between men and women where golf is an issue: One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sheer nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went golfing. Did you hear the one about the wife who got hit in the head with a golf ball on the first hole and died? The husband was so distraught he only played the front nine. Q: What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? A: Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards. Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him. "Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes," the man replied, still in pain, in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together in his groin. ?But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and put her hands inside.
She began to massage him. She then asked, "How does that feel?" He replied, "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell." Tiger has a new movie coming out. It's called Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant. A 40-something business executive and avid golfer was browsing the personal ads on the internet when he came across an interesting ad from an attractive lady living in the same town he did. The ad read as follows: Slim, attractive, buxom blonde, 5 feet 6 inches 125 lbs., successful in business, happy in life, no children (or desire to have them), enjoys traveling, pampering her man and the finer things in life. Seeks similar qualities in ?a partner for long-term relationship.
GOLFERS NEED NOT APPLY. US PGA Commentator: "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. Oh my god !! What have I just said?" Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday." Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.".