I wake up to my husband thrashing in bed, hands in fists punching at the same invisible enemy his feet are kicking. "Jack, my gosh, wake up!" I leap out of bed for safety''s sake and call his name again. He hasn''t had a nightmare like this in a long time. He stops kicking and punching and begins to moan. "Teddy," he says. "Jack, shhh, it''s ok," I say, rubbing his shoulder. "I''m here. Everything is fine.

" Jack''s eyes blink open. "Where am I?" "On a romantic trip with your wife," I answer with a smile. Poor guy. So stressed. "Clearly, you needed the vacation." "I had the nightmare again, didn''t I?" He sits up. His hair is wild, like he''s been through a storm. And I suppose he has, in his own mind.

"It hasn''t happened in a long time, so don''t beat yourself up. Usually, these sorts of episodes need a trigger. What''s the trigger this time, do you think?" I haven''t done anything to cause it, not this time. I''ll admit, there have been a few instances when I''ve wanted to remind Jack of all we''ve been through. You know, to help him remember all he had to lose if he were to turn his back on us. I have a great photo of Ted and Jack, fall of senior year, standing side by side in front of the fraternity house, matching grins on their handsome, perfect faces. Whenever I pull that photo out of the closet and display it with the rest of the photos on the dresser in our bedroom, nightmares are sure to follow. Jack''s so sensitive sometimes.

I don''t even have that photo with me on this trip. Of course, I have other things. "I have no idea." Jack shakes his head. At least the color has returned to his face. He climbs out of bed and walks past me without as much as a kiss. Rude. He really does need to work on us.

It cannot be one-sided all the time. While Jack is using the bathroom, I decide to check in on Maggie. I won''t call her, no; she was out late at the bars in Laguna Beach, I happen to know. I grab my phone and open the home security app. I find it amusing Jack thinks he can outmaneuver me. Inviting Maggie and her gang of Banana Slug hippie friends to come home and mess up our house while we''re gone. He knows I wouldn''t allow it, would hate it in fact, so that''s why he told her yes. Or is there more to it? Two of Maggie''s friends are asleep on my white living room sofa.

I push a button. "Grrrrr." When Jack opens the bathroom door, I slip my phone into my bathrobe. "What were you just doing?" he asks. Did I seem suspicious? "Nothing. How are you feeling? Up for a big hike today?" I ask. Jack exhales. "Not sure that''s a good idea.

I''m exhausted. A short hike, and then we hit the road. What''s the next stop?" "The hoodoos of Bryce Canyon." I love the wide-eyed look on his ashen face. "What are those?" It appears he has seen enough ghosts for one morning. "Hoodoos are the bright orange and pink, gravity-defying limestone totem poles that are the reason everyone goes there. That and the great air quality and stargazing, as long as it isn''t snowing." "I didn''t pack for snow," Jack whines, rummaging in his suitcase.

"I brought a puffer coat for you. And some boots. You''ll be fine," I say. "It''s only supposed to be a dusting, but we''ll see. It''s going to be great. And another lodge to stay in tonight." I watch Jack scan our small room. "Great.

Sounds great. Um, Jill?" "Yes?" "This isn''t working," he says. "What?" "Us." "Yes it is. Get dressed. They serve breakfast downstairs and then we''ll go for a short hike, get some steps in." I ignore his head shaking as I close myself inside the bathroom. We''ve always had an intense love, a unique and enviable love, since the very first moment we met.

And it''s only gotten stronger. My understanding was that we were a team, bonded for life, by shared experiences, both good and bad. For better or worse, richer or poorer, all of that. Jack''s understanding seems to have shifted lately. As if his vows don''t matter anymore. He seems to believe that he can walk away and I''ll be fine with it. He seems to think his actions don''t have consequences. Poor Jack.

He''s misreading the situation. It''s a bad habit, one I intend to break this weekend, one way or another.