1 Yodelocomotive bandits * bakes * buzz Bridget tightened her grip on Pascal''s foot. " Aaaargh! " screamed the elf, arms flailing over the ravine as the Alpine Arrow hurtled toward the tunnel. "It''s all right!" grunted Bridget. "I''ve got you!" Another explosion shook the carriage. " Briiiiiiiddgeeeeeet! " "Hurry!" shouted Tom, helping her heave. "Nearly . there ." Bridget managed through gritted teeth.
" Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! " screamed Pascal. With a shrill, yodeling whistle, the grand old train shot into the tunnel--and the cabbage-sized sphere that was Pascal La Fleur flew into Bridget''s arms. All three--Bridget, boy and Butters--landed on Mr. Vanderpuff. "Oh, thank heavens!" shrieked the great baker, hat squashed askew. "That was too close!" Bridget scanned the destruction. The smashed windows. The broken bunk beds.
And the gigantic bogey-bomb-blast through which Pascal had tumbled as he bit into a Pistachio Pi-Pie.[1] "Just look ," she said, hair whipping like a tower of flame, "at this mess!" Tunnel-light flickered on Mr. Vanderpuff''s soot-streaked face. "Now, Bridget," he panted, "I know the League of Meanies has blown a hole in the side of our carriage--" " And spattered us with bogeys," added Bridget. "--and now your instinct will be to--" "Run off and leap headlong into the fray?" said Bridget, grinning. "Exactly!" cried Mr. Vanderpuff, gripping his hat. The Arrow-- rocking, rolling, racing at a hundred miles an hour--burst into the daylight with a blast of chilly mountain air.
A scene of alpine splendor blurred past: green hills specked with cattle, cottages and sparkling sapphire waters. Bridget slipped into her Sookosocks--and strode toward the hole in the wall. "You can''t go outside !" gasped Pascal, as she reached into her hair. "Even for you , that''s--" "He''s right!" howled Tom. "Carina Fairfoul is a bandit --she''s dangerous!" Bridget narrowed her eyes. "So''s my baking," she said. And jumped. The wind struck her like a fist, tumbling her along the thundering train.
"Oh, no you don''t!" she cried, stretching out her hands as the final carriage shot past. The Suction Cupcakes grabbed hold. "Gotcha!" yelled Bridget, thudding onto the rear platform with her Sookosocks.[2] She opened the door with her elbow, then slipped inside. Rows of terrified passengers turned toward her, their faces stretched with fright. Bridget cleared her throat. "Ladies and gentlemen," she said, smiling as she moved through the carriage, "please excuse the interruption while I best this beastly bandit by means of abominable baking." The passengers burst into applause.
" Grazie mille! " shouted a man with a thick moustache. " Danke! " cried a woman wearing a feathered hat. "Would you open the door for me, please?" Bridget asked the saucer-eyed lady at the end of the carriage. "I''d do it myself, only I''m holding two of the world''s stickiest cakes."[3] Hand shaking like a full-speed mixer, the lady turned the handle. "Thank you," said Bridget, stepping back into the wind. The door slammed behind her. Bridget cupcaked onto the rickety railing, eyes fixed on the gap between the carriages.
Close below her, the track--flashing under her feet--was passing by dizzyingly fast. If my paraskirt opened now , she thought, I''d end up in the middle of the Mediterranean. She skipped across and peered into the dining car. Plush velvet seats. Tables of silver-trimmed teak. Chandeliers rattling like chiming bells. And Carina Fairfoul--bandit, thief, legend of the Meanie movement--tipping trolleyfuls of glistening cakes into a swinging drawstring bag. " There you are!" breathed Bridget.
"Ha ha !" snarled Fairfoul, picking her nose and examining her thumbnail. "These were going to be such a TREAT for those pathetic passen gers ! Too bad silly little Brid get isn''t here to SAVE THEM!" She wiped her bogey on the nearest seat. "Typical Meanies!" sighed Bridget, burying the rewrapped cupcakes in her hair. She counted to three--then kicked open the door. "End of the line, Meanie!" she yelled, hands on her hips. Fairfoul''s painted eyebrows snapped skyward--then a smile, slick as oil, spread over her face. "Bridget Van derPUFF!" she growled, her long teeth specked with cabbage and lipstick. "Or should I say .
Bax TER?" Bridget rolled her eyes. "Are you Meanies still singing that old tune?" "Bridget Baxter," leered Fairfoul, "the most errant of Childs. I thought I blew up your cabin with BOGEYS?" "You did." Bridget shrugged. "Pascal was very nearly spread Butter. But I caught him--and now I''m going to catch you !" The train thundered round a bend, tumbling them against the wall. "You''d best get your STINKY nose out of our business , gal," growled Fairfoul, "before it gets tweaked !" "Tweak this!" yelled Bridget, launching a tin from her utility belt. A bolt of golden sun struck the tin as it popped--and sent a cloud of fluffy Scream Cream toward Fairfoul''s raised brows.
"That''ll teach you to--" Bridget began, as the Meanie dived . and caught the cream in an enormous jar. " Oh ." The Scream Cream''s shriek fell to a whisper. Fairfoul tossed it aside. " That''s what I think of your wailing dairy, CHILD!" cackled the bandit, producing a paper-wrapped lump. "Now munch this !" An enormous, stinking, fish-filled sandwich hit Bridget square in the face. "Mmmmmppppphhhh!" she cried, her voice muffled by hunks of horseradish herring.
"De licious , eh?" snarled Fairfoul. Bridget heaved at the crusts, then, as though peeling an octopus from her face, pulled herself free with a "Mmmppffffaaaaaaaaarrrrghh!" The sandwich hit the carpet with a squelch . "That," she said, "was disgusting ." Fairfoul cracked her knuckles. "Poor little Errant Child," she sneered. "What are you going to do about it?" "I''ve got some ideas," said Bridget, reaching into her hair. "Do your worst !" spat Fairfoul. " My worst?" Bridget smiled.
"That''s the best worst there is." And she threw a Razor Bun. It zinged through the chain of a chandelier, which dropped toward Fairfoul''s astonished face. "Gah!" cried the Meanie, drawing her salmon- sword as Bridget ran. "Running AWAY, child ? Patty Acrid said you were a for mid able foe!" "I''m just keeping you on your toes," said Bridget, scrambling onto the carriage roof as the fishy blade clattered at her heels. The wind struck her, hard and cold, as the sky opened overhead. Fairfoul grabbed at Bridget''s ankles, shrieking and slashing, while the train rattled and rocked. "Oh, I''ve got you now, wretch!" shouted the bandit.
"You''ve nowhere left to go!" "Wrong!" said Bridget. And stepped off the roof. Fairfoul blinked. "I did it!" she cried. " I bested the beastly Bridget Bax ter! Now we can-- WHAT? " Bridget, standing horizontally on the side of the train, gave her a wave. "Sookosocks," she said, hair billowing behind her. "Super- sticky Sookosocks, to be precise." Then she ran along the carriages, windows opening like clamshells in her wake, and the passengers cheering.
The gaping ruin of her exploded cabin loomed up ahead. "Bridget!" yelled Mr. Vanderpuff when she bounded over the hole. "What on earth are you doing?" "Stretching my legs!" cried Bridget, landing gracefully on the other side. She leaned in. "Don''t worry--" A slash of scaly steel. "I won''t be a minute--" Swipe! "Just need to--" Thrust! "Clip someone''s ticket!" "Be careful!" wailed Pascal, his mouth bursting with Wacamacarons. Bridget sprinted forward, lungs filling with bright, green air.
A still mountaintop lake slid by. What a beautiful day , she thought, as the salmon-sword swung at her back. "Curse you, wretch !" howled Fairfoul. "I''m going to--" Bridget had reached the end of the foremost carriage, and was leaping across to the engine itself. "Looks like you''ve run out of train, Bax TER!" cackled the Meanie, picking up her pace. "There''s nowhere else to go--you''re all mine !" She stomped over the coal and onto the cab''s roof as Bridget moved to the engine''s chuffing chimney. Fairfoul raised her fishy blade. "Is this it ?" she yelled into the wind.
"Noisy cream, sticky shoes and running away ?" She curled her lip. "I expec.