Raised in a den - on a farm - in Gloucestershire.Educated by dogs. Shipped to San Francisco.Worked as a toupee for a balding poet. Learned to write and read the word 'piano'. Joined a rock-group as a hairy chest. Returned to UK.Voted London's best-dressed caveman.

Began collaborating with fellow Neanderthal Angus. C. Mackinnon.Made some toast. Wrote a surreal poem based on real events.