Chapter 1 Cue for Charisma Who is the most charismatic person you know? This is one of my favorite questions to ask audiences. People immediately shout out their answers. "My dad!" or "My teacher!" or "My best friend!" The next question is where things get more interesting. I ask, "What makes someone charismatic?" Typically, I hear crickets. People rack their brains to come up with the answer. They venture, "Well, it''s, you know, that feeling?" Why is it that we struggle to define charisma, even though we immediately recognize it in others? In a groundbreaking study from Princeton University, researchers found that highly charismatic, likable, compelling people demonstrate a special blend of two specific traits: warmth and competence. It''s a simple equation: This formula is a powerful blueprint for every interaction. And it can completely change the way you communicate if you know how to use it.
According to the research, warmth and competence cues account for 82 percent of our impressions of others. First, we quickly assess someone''s warmth, answering the question: Can I trust you? Then we look for competence, answering the question: Can I rely on you? And this formula isn''t just at play when making a first impression. Any time people interact with you, they continuously scan for cues to gauge your warmth and competence. And you do the same to others. Whether you are in a business meeting, on a date, with your boss, or with new friends, managing these two traits is essential for your effectiveness. Highly charismatic people exhibit the perfect blend of warmth and competence. They immediately signal trust and credibility. We see them as friendly and smart, impressive and collaborative.
They earn both our respect and admiration. Here''s the problem: Most of us have an imbalance between these two traits. It''s often the hidden cause of our social difficulties, missed potential, and miscommunications. We need this balance to succeed. Highly charismatic people use both warmth and competence cues to communicate successfully. We love being around people who make us feel like we are in both safe and capable hands. We like our leaders to be both highly effective and very approachable. We look for partners we can trust with our deepest secrets and call in an emergency.
We want to work with people who are both friendly and productive. We''re always on the lookout for people who hit the sweet spot of both warmth and competence-the quadrant that has the star on the Charisma Scale on the following page. This Charisma Scale helps us map our communication. Where do you think you fall on the scale? Are you more warm (upper left quadrant) or more competent (lower right quadrant), or do you strike a perfect balance and land in the Charisma Zone? Not sure? You might not show enough cues at all, putting you in the Danger Zone. Consider where others might place you on the scale. Do a quick test below by choosing which column sounds more like you: Competent Warm Impressive Trustworthy Powerful Collaborative Smart Kind Capable Compassionate An Expert A Team Player Effective Open Be sure to take your official Charisma Diagnostic in your digital bonuses at scienceofpeople.com/bonus. Higher in Warmth If you are highly warm, you have a strong desire to be liked.
This can be good-you strive to be friendly and personable-but it can also be challenging. Highly warm folks are often people pleasers and struggle to say no and set boundaries. Your desire to be liked can get in the way of your need to be respected. You might be seen as: Trustworthy but not always powerful Compassionate but not always competent Friendly but not always impressive If this is you, you likely have good relationships with your colleagues but you find it hard to pitch yourself or your ideas. You might even get interrupted in meetings or feel underappreciated for all the hard work you do. In social or casual settings, people enjoy talking to you but might not ask for your business card. You''re likely higher in warmth if people tell you things like: I always feel so comfortable around you! You''re such a sweetheart. I feel like I have known you forever.
You have a trustworthy face. Steve Wozniak is a good example of a business leader who is known for being jovial and kind but doesn''t get as much credit for his accomplishments as his former partner, Steve Jobs, who was known for high competence. Higher in Competence If you are highly competent, you have a strong desire to be seen as capable and impressive. People take you and your ideas seriously, but you might have a harder time building rapport. You could be seen as: Smart but not always approachable Dependable but not always collaborative Important but not always kind People might even be intimidated by you. They may tell you that you''re hard to talk to or come across as cold. In business settings, this can be a double-edged sword. You''re taken seriously as a leader, but you may have a harder time working with teams.
Clients, customers, or colleagues may find you credible but might not feel comfortable telling you all their needs. Researcher Susan Fiske found that "competence without warmth is likely to leave us feeling suspicious." In social settings, this means you''re often perceived as important, but it takes you longer to build deeper connections and make friends. You''re likely higher in competence if people tell you things like: I never know what you''re thinking. You can be a little intimidating! You''re hard to read. You must be the one in charge here. Business leaders like Mark Zuckerberg, Anna Wintour, and Elon Musk are examples of people who have had success with high competence but have been criticized for being harsh, hard to read, and unemotional. You might notice that highly competent people will often partner with highly warm folks to balance them out.
Many famous duos include a highly warm character and a highly competent character. This is a good way to think about how these traits play off each other. Captain Kirk (warm) and Spock (competent) Warren Buffett (competent) and Charlie Munger (warm) Ernie (warm) and Bert (competent) Sherlock Holmes (competent) and Dr. Watson (warm) Put together, these duos often hit the sweet spot. The Danger Zone The last part of the quadrant is the one you need to work hard to avoid: the Danger Zone. Researchers have found that if you rank low in both warmth and competence, you are more likely to be overlooked, dismissed, pitied, and undervalued. The Danger Zone is also where I would have placed Jamie Siminoff during his Shark Tank pitch. His idea wasn''t bad, he simply didn''t send enough warmth and competence cues.
As a result, the Sharks didn''t believe him. You can have the best content in the world, but if it''s not shared with the right charisma cues, it doesn''t land. Siminoff''s low competence and low warmth cues undermined his message. He addressed every single one of the Sharks'' verbal questions with logical answers but missed critical nonverbal feedback cues from the Sharks. He prepared his numbers and created a helpful demo, but his Danger Zone cues sabotaged his credibility every step of the way. Here''s the key: You might be the most competent, warmest person in the world, but if you don''t show it, people won''t believe you. The good news is that even if you fall into the Danger Zone, you don''t have to stay there. Siminoff''s idea was so successful that he was invited to come back to Shark Tank five years later as a Shark! When he walked into the tank as an investor, it was like seeing a different person.
His cues transformed him. He strode into the room, made broad gestures, smiled, and shook hands with each of the Sharks. He even sounded different. Sure, Siminoff had one bad pitch, but he bounced back. Everyone can improve their cues. Why Charisma Matters Golden Globe-winning actress Goldie Hawn is known for her beauty, her humor, and her talent in front of the camera. But in 2003 she decided to set her sights on a very different goal-creating a mindfulness program in schools. She decided to call the program Min.