We are raising a generation of psychologically fragile kids as a result of the recent trends that put children in charge. Robin Berman teaches parents to be comfortable with letting their kids know who's boss-fostering children with greater self-esteem, respect, and emotional control. The power structure intrinsic to the family unit has flip-flopped. Kids are ruling the roost with some serious ramifications; children with too much power often become anxious. In trying to constantly please their children and make them happy, parents are doing just the opposite. In attempting to veer from the strictness of their own upbringing, many parents have gone too far the other way, showering praise onto their children in the hope of increasing self-esteem, and have forgotten that self-control is a key ingredient in the recipe for self-confidence. Children used to be seen and not heard, and now they are the center of the universe. Neither end of the pendulum fosters thriving, well-adjusted children.
Kids need limits more than indulgences, time more than schedules, love more than stuff. Parents need to know that not only is it okay, it is essential to be in charge. That is the premise of Dr. Robin Berman's provocative work, Permission to Parent . Here are some of her key findings: Parenting is not a democracy. Rules make kids feel safe. Don't be emotionally bullied by your child. Emotionally wimpy parenting leads to emotionally fragile kids.
A child who has too much power often becomes anxious. Catering to your child's every whim can lead to a child who is self-centered and lacks empathy. Look long-term at a child who hasn't faced consequences for behavior and, therefore, never learned accountability: Would you want to date this person as an adult? If you say, "If you do that one more time," mean it. Consistent follow-through is essential for a child's emotional safety and your sanity. Keep your eye on the long-term goal of raising a lovely child. Remember your mantra: Hate me now, thank me later. Talk less, give fewer choices, keep it simple. Less is clearly more.
No is a complete sentence. No does not begin a negotiation. Reverse negotiate. The more they argue, the less they get. It works like a charm. Dr. Berman, whose extensive clinical experience helping parents and children navigate the emotional and psychological minefields of family dynamics, strikes the perfect balance of advice, anecdote and science in this essential parenting guide.