On the morning of October 2, 2016, after a five-mile run at the beach, I dove into the ocean. Two days later, I woke up in the ICU, fighting for a life I wasn't sure I wanted saved. Doctors said his heart had stopped for somewhere between 8 and 20 minutes. The surgeon told his children their dad may not have any brain function left-and that if the traumatic spinal cord injury didn't kill him, the amount of Santa Monica seawater he'd swallowed just might. A celebrity fitness trainer and professional writer of more than twenty-five years, Mark Silver had built his life around the wonders of the body and the power of words. Faced with a life he no longer recognized, Mark learned to embrace a future laced with disbelief, frustration, and uncertainty. The result is a darkly funny meditation on the questions we ask ourselves when the answers are not the ones we hoped for. Tapped into an iPad with the knuckle of his right pinky finger, What the F*ck Am I Doing Here? is at once both heartbreaking and life-affirming, inviting readers into the possibility of joy in a sea of sorrow.