Chapter 1: The Case for Good MannersCHAPTER 1 The Case for Good Manners I will now mount my soapbox. Etiquette and good manners are needed more than ever. You can''t scroll through a news app or swipe on social media without seeing someone attacking someone else, being discourteous, or not doing the right thing. Mismannered culprits will argue that civility is no longer relevant, and that we are now in a totally different world, where anything goes. Personal choice and freedom have, they say, replaced the need for observing the little courtesies and pleasantries. It''s dog-eat-dog. But I contend that the people who make this argument are (badly) trying to disguise their own ignorance of the rules and accepted norms. They probably fail to realize that many of the principles of good manners have evolved over time.

Some have been adjusted with trial and error, others by common sense, and the rest have their origins in our rich history. However they have been formed, most of the principles of politeness will outlast the naysayers, because most of us still want to treat others well. On other occasions, out there in the wilderness, I find specimens who agree that manners are needed, but that etiquette is not. Lunacy! You cannot have manners without etiquette. Yes, they are different, but they are also a married couple. And like any married couple, sometimes they disagree and contradict each other. But, contretemps aside, ultimately they are a unit. Manners are the guiding principles of putting people at their ease, of not embarrassing others, and of generally putting yourself second.

Good manners are selfless, not selfish. All cultures around the globe believe in the importance of good manners. Etiquette, on the other hand, is a set of rules by which a society lives. How you become well-mannered is (nine times out of ten) by following the rules of etiquette. There are times when the rules will not be appropriate, and when actually the politest thing is to do quite the opposite to what the rule book says. But more often than not, the correct etiquette is exactly that--correct! To be the most well-mannered person in the room, you need to know the rules of etiquette and have the confidence to break those rules at the appropriate moment. There is an apocryphal story, allegedly involving Charles III when he was Prince of Wales. Supposedly, during an official dinner for a visiting dignitary from a developing country, finger food was served and cut-glass finger bowls were set above the forks, as is the custom.

Said distinguished guest innocently mistook the finger bowl for his water glass, picked it up, and started drinking from it. Some British guests saw and started to quietly laugh and point. Charles, noticing this, picked up his own finger bowl and drank from it to silence them and make the guest of honor feel at ease. While it is definitely not etiquette to drink from a finger bowl, it is very bad manners to laugh at someone who does, especially when they are from a country where they have more pressing things to worry about other than finger-bowl finesse. That same story is told with a variety of protagonists, from Queen Wilhelmina of the Netherlands to Jacqueline Kennedy, so we may never know who it really was--if it was anyone at all--but being patriotic and shamelessly hoping for a knighthood one day, I attribute it to our now king. "Etiquette" has become a loaded word. Its grander French etymology adds some off-putting gilding. It may be hard for someone who has had a far-from-royal upbringing to think they need to observe the rules of etiquette.

But every situation involves a code of behavior, whether people like it or not. It''s not just about who is presented to whom at court; it''s how to handle breakups with grace and to let a restaurant know you are still coming the day before. I dare say there is even etiquette around a gangland drug exchange! So long as humans interact with one another, there will be the need for etiquette and manners. I do accept that some people can use etiquette for improper means, however. The television show Ladette to Lady --which briefly aired in America as The Girls of Hedsor Hall , executive-produced by Donald Trump--was a prime example of etiquette gone rogue. To be fair to those involved, they were victims of the era of car-crash television (although they did go along with it for multiple series). But showing coiffured harridans screaming at Jemma, jailed for flashing her breasts in Faliraki as she exited a hatchback clumsily, was never going to be good PR for politeness. Shows like these failed to acknowledge that etiquette evolves and changes rather than being frozen in a bygone era.

Where it was once about gaining skills to catch a husband or preparing to inherit the family seat, today etiquette helps us progress at work, make friends from all walks of life, and simply become a kind, compassionate person whom others want to be around. Granted, we are using rules that have been around for some time, many of which were codified in a more gilded habitat, but, at their core, they are applicable anywhere. Some of the etiquette we still use today does originate from a more rarefied environment. Particularly in Britain, it is hard to separate it from social class. Even now, with a less rigid class structure than in previous centuries, much focus is put on class, as we''re so obsessed with it--with each of us, whether secretly or openly, aspiring to a perceived greatness (though each person will define greatness in their own way). It''s become taboo to acknowledge that we still have a class structure. But the more we talk about something and acknowledge it, gently mocking it where it needs to be mocked, the less of an issue it will be. The world is very different than it was in the respective days of Pride and Prejudice ''s Elizabeth Bennet and Downton Abbey ''s Lord and Lady Grantham.

Thanks to the relative ease of international travel and the internet, the world has become much smaller, and we interact with people far more often and at a quicker pace than any of our predecessors. Since COVID-19, we easily meet people from all over the world on video calls, driving globalized communication even further than we could have anticipated before the pandemic. While taking the time to do things with courtesy, respect for others, and self-respect may slow us down, it is only infinitesimally. And if you know the rules and are confident with them, they become second nature. I always give the analogy of driving a car. Unless you are the next best thing to Dale Earnhardt Jr. when you first learn to drive, you will be so worried about keeping the car on the road, and going in a straight line without hitting any passing pensioners, that you won''t be able to make chitchat with your instructor, have the radio on, or check your hair in the mirror. But once you pass your test and have mastered your maneuvering, all those things become instinctive--and your muscle memory takes over as you change gears and shift lanes.

Etiquette should be like that. It is not a restrictive straitjacket to keep people in their place, but a series of tried-and-tested guidelines for an easy life with few crashes. Contemporary etiquette is rooted in six key principles. Humility True humility is not merely the absence of arrogance, but a refined expression of self-awareness--a knowing understatement that elevates the collective comfort over individual accolades. It is this artful modesty that oils the gears of our social machinery, ensuring that interactions are marked not by brash self-promotion but by a gracious, understated acknowledgment of one''s own place and achievements. Consider my favorite sitcom character, Hyacinth Bucket from Keeping Up Appearances , which remains the BBC''s most exported sitcom. She was funny to those watching, as the endless domestic rodomontade and perpetual varnishing of her life jarred with the usual British way of doing things, even though dear Hyacinth would have said she was British to the core. The show got five seasons of mileage from the floral protagonist''s desperate attempts to elevate her life to something more akin to the higher social plane on which she averred she belonged.

Humility is not about being a snob, but instead is the opposite of boasting about achievements and triumphs, and making others feel like they have not achieved the same greatness. There is something very satisfying about the quiet confidence of knowing that you are right about something, but not announcing it to everyone with bombastic conviction. Hospitality I promise I am not being sponsored by the British tourism board, but once again, the British lead the way. Our hospitality is not merely by accident but by design--shaped by centuries of interaction, integration, and influence from across the globe. The British Isles have always been a crossroads of civilizations, ideas, and peoples, each leaving an indelible mark on the country''s culture, cuisine, and character--like the houseguest that leaves a mark on the herringbone wood block, but in these instances, a more palatable one. Our global outlook and role as a nexus of the Commonwealth have fostered connections--though historically not always consensually--with countries and cultures around the world, enriching our own nation with a variety of perspectives and experiences. Hospitality is defined by making guests feel valued, comfortable, and welcomed through attentiveness and respect. Focusing on them first, rather than on your own needs.

Rank The column inches devoted to the issue of whether Harry and Meghan should be stripped of their title.