1. Walnut Street Mom, I have thought a lot of you recently - even more so than usual. And, I have not written to you for a while. You see, I have some confessions. I have spent more years than I care to admit trying to numb the pain some of my memories bring - some of my memories of Chicago. Even so, there are always fleeting glimpses of both the good and bad - my outstretched hand clinging to your red, starch-stiffened skirt as you strode proudly and briskly past curious admirers; the screeching white-walled wheels and monstrous metal grill of a black ''55 Buick drowned out by your terrified scream as a car skidded to a halt just feet from my head in the middle of Washington Boulevard; the amused, knowing look on the chubby, sweaty face of the man behind the counter at the liquor store when I came in to purchase a "Beppi" Cola for you; and the joyous giddiness in my stomach when you would sweep me and my brother, James, from the floor and press us tightly to your breast. But these are just fleeting, momentary glimpses from a time before first grade, from a time when I could still draw some innocence from my young years. Mom, do you remember the song lyric containing the words, "Pools of sorrow, waves of joy.

?" These words still ring true for me. The joy always seems to sweep across the surface, momentary and impossible to cling to, while the sorrow remains deep and unmoving, always present, always real. I have been thinking a lot about the lessons you have taught me over the years, both through your words and by the way you lived your life. Every day now I reflect on some of those lessons. And now I wish to return to your loving heart the dept of my gratitude for the way you have shaped me into the man I am today. I remember the countless times you faced hardships with unwavering resolve. Whether it was balancing the needs of all ten of your children, or overcoming your personal challenges, that I only now as an adult can fully appreciate. You always did so with grace.

You never let me see you break, but now I realize that your strength was not about never breaking--it was about knowing how to put the pieces back together. From you, I have learned that true strength lies in resilience, in the ability to rise each time life tries to steal some modicum of joy. You have taught me that Godly love is not just a feeling, but a choice and a commitment. I watched as you sacrificed your own comfort and dreams to ensure that each of your children had some gracious opportunity to succeed. The long hours you toiled. The things you went without so that we would not have to--it was not lost on me. From you, I have learned that love is about placing others before yourself, and that sacrifice is an integral part of any meaningful existence. And I give thanks every day for your shared life lessons that have shown me the truthful meaning of Godly faith.

Mom, You always told me that a person''s word reflects their worth, and you lived that truth every day. I have seen you make difficult decisions because they were the right ones, even when they were not the easiest. You never deprived me of the truth, even when it was difficult for me to hear, because you knew that honesty was a foundation of trust. From you, I have learned that integrity is not about always being perfect, but about always being truthful and holding yourself accountable to decent values. The most important lesson you have taught me is the value of kindness. You showed me that a kind word, a small gesture, or a helping hand can change someone''s moment, or even their life. Whether it was how you treated others, even those with hateful hearts, or the way you always made time to listen to me, you embodied the belief that kindness is a strength, not a weakness. From you, I have learned that kindness is an eternal entity not to be portioned out by a stingy, deceitful heart for its own profit.

You never pretended to be perfect, and in that, you taught me one of the most valuable lessons of all--it is okay to be flawed. You showed me that it is in our imperfections that we find our humanity, and that striving for perfection is less important than striving to be what our Creator intended us to be. From you, I have learned to embrace my own flaws and to see them not as limitations, but as opportunities for rebirth. Mom, these are just a few of the endless lessons you have given me, lessons that I carry with me every day. As I have navigated this life, and faced my many challenges, I often have found myself dipping into the cool water of the deep well of your wisdom to quench the fiery heat of this world''s perpetual indecencies. And even though I have lived my length of life now, I still look to you for guidance, because your wisdom is timeless. I thank you for being my mentor and protector. I hope that I have been living the way that you hoped for me, and that I have passed some portion of these lessons to my own children.

But now it is time to tell you about your son''s life story. Sadly, in the midst of my chaotic struggles over the years, I have long lost the precious letters you wrote to me to sustain me. Yet I remember all of your gracious wisdom within those letters, and I have retained every word in my heart, mind and soul. So, these words are my heartfelt effort to remind us both of how things have been--yes, especially about how things were. While I have managed to avoid some memories, others will not allow me that simple victory. Such are the memories of that night before Christmas when I was seven years old. I know you will remember, because of the havoc James and I wrought upon the family. [end of excerpt].