About the Author xi Acknowledgments xiii Introduction: The Question Every Coach Is Asking 1 What Resistance Is Telling Us 4 The Impact on Children 5 How to Use This Book 8 1 What We Call Resistance: The Iceberg Beneath the Behavior 11 Behavior Is the Surface 12 Resistance Requires Two Forces 14 The Four Emotions to Recognize 17 The Core Human Needs 22 How You Raise Your Hand 32 2 Your Half of the Resistance: The Inner Work of the Coach 37 Face Your Own Resistance 39 The Strain Built Into the Role 41 The Stories We Tell 43 Your Triggers 45 Which of Your Needs Feel Vulnerable 48 What Your Resistance Looks Like 50 The Space Between Trigger and Response 53 The Transformational Coaching Dispositions 54 Turn Toward Yourself 58 3 How to Coach the Emotions Beneath Resistance: The ACE Framework 61 Emotions Go Underground 62 A: Acknowledge Emotions 68 C: Cultivate Compassion 73 E: Expand the Story 80 Examples of ACE in Coaching Conversations 84 Example Two: Full ACE Sequence 86 Five Resistance Scenarios 94 When You Don't Know What to Say 100 4 What's in the Way: The Gaps Framework 103 Different Resistance, Different Response 105 The Gaps Framework 107 The Will Gap 110 Passive and Active Resistance 113 Seeing the Gap I'd Missed 117 Two Cases of Misdiagnosis 122 Now Pick Up the Mirror 128 5 Widen the Lens: Power, Identity, and the Systems We Work Within 131 Power in a Coaching Relationship 134 Required Coaching, Required PD 139 When the Teacher Is Right 142 Coaching Without a Program 146 Coaching across Lines of Identity Difference 149 Coaching in Toxic Cultures 152 Spheres of Influence 156 When You Have to Act 159 6 Resistance in a PD Session: The Three Moves 165 How a Room Differs from One-on-One Coaching 167 Notice What's Happening in You 169 Get Curious about What's Underneath 172 Respond Out Loud 174 Slow Down 178 The Three Moves in Real Time 181 A Starter Phrasebook 185 It's Not Personal 189 7 Refilling the Reserves: Coaching the Depleted Teacher 191 Where Resistance Comes From 192 Begin with Belonging 195 Beyond Bubble Baths 197 Find the Bright Spots 200 Activate Agency 204 Change the Story 209 Reading the Depletion 212 Drop Your Hand 216 Conclusion: Choose Love 221 Appendix A: The Core Emotions 225 Appendix B: Coaching Sentence Stems for ACE 229 Index 233.