I have during the past 49 years spent tens of thousands of hours working one on one with men in my role as their "sponsor" in the 12-step program called Al-Anon. When I began attending Al-Anon meetings in 1976, I was one of only four men in the Al-Anon program in Houston, Texas, which then had a population then of over two million. Today, there are an estimated 24,000 Al-Anon Groups with meetings held in 118 countries. Al-Anon's 2024 Membership Survey results indicate that 11.9% of their members identify as male, while 87.1% identify as female. The men started with a deep love and respect for the women in their lives. But they had to watch that all slowly erode through the years of bad behavior that was the common result of addiction.

Often their loved-one's self-destructive behavior was so intense and obvious that these men were not able to see how addiction had eroded their lives. Most men do not realize that it is possible to recover their losses. First, we need to grow past our learned stereotypes. In my first book, We Codependent Men, We Mute Coyotes, I joined with several of these men whose lives had been deeply wounded by the addictions of their wives, daughters, and mothers. The pharmaceutical industry, which is where I spent my 36-year career, is part of the problem. Despite the focus on illegal drug addiction, the most harmful addiction is to ethanol, a substance found in nearly every home and social event. On a personal note, I am one of you. I am an enabler.

I learned enabling behavior as I grew up in a dysfunctional family where three of my four biological grandparents, including both grandmothers, were addicted to ethanol. I also spent 19 years married to my first wife, who eventually died of cardiomyopathy, liver failure and a host of other illnesses caused by ethanol addiction.